How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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