i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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