The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
