My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
