I like to think it a success when the cops are called
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Success! We fucked roommates!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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