I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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