She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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