I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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