it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize