Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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