Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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