does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
