Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
