"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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