i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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