He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
