Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
