Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
