He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
