He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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