so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
