We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
