Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
