The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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