Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
