My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
