She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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