did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
