Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
