8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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