I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
