I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
