I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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