Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
