how can u be prego again
wakey wakey hands off snakey
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
