I'll bet she douches with gravy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
