Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
