STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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