So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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