Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we're so committed to being not committed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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