Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
As shirtless as possible
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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