Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
