He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
