i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
