At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
