How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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