I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
