Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize