Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When are your genitals available?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
