There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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