i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
