you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
