then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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