can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
