Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
