Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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