I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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