May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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