tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
