No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In America we eat man semen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
