Define "chronic" masturbator.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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