Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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