My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
