We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
