yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you had me at cake vodka
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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