I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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