He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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