Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
