yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
