just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
