I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize