The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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