I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
