Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
