I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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