Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
