I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
