He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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